Loved Into Confidence

Photos and mirrors aren’t as appealing to me as they once were. As the face in front of me ages, I see more flaws. I’ve mourned the loss of clear, smooth skin as crow’s feet and sunspots grow in number daily. My body gets hurt more often. I’m even becoming more forgetful. I’m now solidly middle-aged and nearing forty. It’s not a bad place to be, but my youth is fleeting. Most of the time it’s fine. I’m certainly grateful for my health and talents, but there are also times, like this weekend, where I find myself surrounded by those younger and more beautiful or talented and I just want to hide.

It seems to me that we women struggle pretty universally with our self-esteem. Before summer break, I was in an online bible study with some amazing women of all ages. As we were working through the lesson, we were asked to reflect on our insecurities.

I sat there as these ladies I admire all shared how they felt inadequate in some way. Every. Single. One.

There were insecurities about body image, aging, personality differences, knowledge of the bible, capabilities at work, etc. I was among them.

I mulled over that conversation for quite some time, disturbed that though we were women devoted to Jesus, all children of God, we still felt “less than” other women.

I don’t think these feelings are limited to just our group. I suspect we all feel like we don’t measure up to some arbitrary standard in one way or another.

But, why is that?

I think the easy answer is we care what others think of us way too much. I know this is true for me some of the time. You know, like the days I run to Wal-Mart with no makeup or shower and my socks don’t match but I just haven’t had any time to think about those things.

I also think, though, that our insecurities come from not understanding “how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ” (Eph. 3:16).

If we really KNEW that one thing -- if we grasped how entirely we are loved and cherished -- it would change everything because the love of Christ does change everything. You can’t come into the presence of love like that and walk away the same.

A while back I wrote about Esther and God redirecting the course of her life to serve a greater purpose.

But as I was preparing to do a study on Esther with a group of teenage girls, I realized Esther’s story has a great lesson about what it means to live in God’s love as well. You see, Esther was a nobody, truly. She was an orphan, adopted by a cousin, living as a foreigner and minority. Though she was beautiful, she had many reasons to feel insecure.

From that rather lowly position (one that would surely give her cause for self-doubt), God raises her to be queen. Though that may sound like a Cinderella fairy tale and a dream come true, she didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter.

The king decided all the eligible maidens would be sequestered in the palace for months of beauty treatments before being paraded in front of him for selection. Out of the many women forced into this competition of sorts, Esther was the one who caught the king’s eye.

Ok, so not so bad. Many women could not choose their own husband at the time, so Esther not getting that choice wasn’t a huge deal. But, wait. There’s more.

Becoming queen came with a price. The king’s right-hand man, Haman, convinced the king to sign an edict calling for the extermination of all the Jews on a specific day. They sent out decrees. It was going to be open-hunting season, and Esther’s people were defenseless. Esther just happened to be in a position to possibly save her people, but just approaching the king without being summoned would likely get her killed. No pressure.

In her position, I probably would have listed all the reasons I wasn’t good enough to save my people.

I’m not that pretty.

The king doesn’t really care for me.

I won’t say the right thing.

I’ll probably get scared and faint from fear as soon as the doors open.

Why would anyone listen to me?

Esther, though, realized something I may not have in her situation. She wasn’t going it alone.

Here’s where things get good. Even though God isn’t directly mentioned anywhere in the book of Esther, we see that Esther was dependent upon him. In chapter four, verse 16, she tells her guardian, Mordecai, “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”

What a sacrifice! She offers no excuses (besides reminding Mordecai of the law of execution for going before the king without being called). She doesn’t say she isn’t pretty, smart, or brave enough. She doesn’t claim to know too little or have too little influence.

No. I think through Esther’s journey, she comes to understand some of God’s love for her, and it has a radical impact.

She marches confidently before the king, secure in God’s love for her, and asks for salvation and justice for her people. And, the king grants all she asks. Every bit of it.

In Esther, we see what could have been a girl full of self-doubt (because, hey, she was human, just like me) transformed through the power of God’s love.

The once ordinary girl becomes extraordinary.

The abandoned orphan is claimed, chosen for God’s purpose.

The queen of a strange land becomes selfless and sacrificing.

The timid one becomes bold.

And, through her trials, she is protected and saved.

This is the transformative power of God’s great love for his people and Esther.

I wonder how we would all be changed if we focused on and grasped how much Jesus loves us.

He loves us so much that he thinks we’re beautiful even with our crow’s feet, goofy smiles, and cellulite.

He delights in every one of our personalities.

He knows our flaws, faults, idiosyncrasies, secrets, deepest desires, and crazy thoughts. He knows us and - get this - STILL loves us.

This is mind-blowing to me. Who am I that Jesus would love me? Who am I that he would even notice me?

But he does. He knows and notices me. He loves me more than life. In his love, I am everything I need to be and more. His love is enough.

So, whenever you are feeling insecure, I encourage you to meditate on God’s love for you.

In his love, you are stunning.

In his love, you are accepted and forgiven.

In his love, you are bold and extraordinary.

Because of his love, you are chosen and protected.

His love is perfect and big. I invite you to grasp even a glimpse of how much he loves you and see how it forever changes you.

You are loved unconditionally by your creator. What else really matters?