This is a Story of Victory

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This is a story of victory — hard-fought victory.

There have been days I have felt as courageous as Daniel, ready to march into a metaphorical lions’ den with the battle cry, “To live is Christ and to die is gain!” (Philippians 1:21) resounding in my soul as I face spiritual and physical enemies.

There haven’t been many of those days, though, if I’m honest. Bravery is hard for me. That kind of faith is hard. As I grow in my relationship with Christ, I do see more victories, but I also face more battles.

One such battle came not long ago when my husband planned a weekend getaway for us. He booked tickets, arranged childcare, and took off work. We needed this time to bond. Since our son was born, we’ve had a grand total of five days away together. Date nights, when you are married to a head coach, are hard to come by. I love spending time with him, but, in this case, I was terrified.

I have had three giant phobias in my life: storms, heights, and being left alone. There are many times, through God’s grace, that I’ve victoriously faced these fears and conquered them in the moment. However, this weekend trip forced me to face all three at once. The weather wasn’t cooperating. We were to take off in a rainstorm and land in a snow storm. We were also leaving our five-year-old son in the care of family, and he was heartbroken about our leaving, afraid we wouldn’t come back. As the morning to leave approached, I didn’t want to go. Instead of joy at the prospect of quality time with my husband, I was terrified of having to fly, in a storm, far away from my little boy. Fear screamed in my head.

This is going to be bad. At best, the flight will be bumpy. I’m going to be so scared. How will we land in the snow? Can planes even do that? Won’t the wings freeze? Taking off in this storm can’t be safe. This is a terrible idea. The plane will probably crash. In fact, I know it will. What if it does crash? What will happen to my sweet boy? How will he get over that? He’ll be crushed.

Clearly, fear brings the hyperbolic out in me, but this is truly what happens when fear attacks me. Rational thought is lost in the constant barrage of worst-case scenarios.

Thankfully, I am not a new Christian. I did recognize these thoughts for what they were – lies. Fear. These were not the thoughts of God, because I knew God didn’t give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7). I saw the battle for what it was, and I knew my only hope was Jesus. My thoughts were running wild and out of control. I needed to take them captive, to make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). I also knew I didn’t have that strength right then. Thankfully, though, I have fought this battle enough times that I knew God did.

As I boarded that plane, in the middle of that storm, I prayed. I confessed my fear. I acknowledged my trust and faith in God and His sovereignty were lacking in that moment. I asked for his help. Then, I began to praise him. On a loop in my head, I sang one of my favorite praise songs.

 All my life you have been faithful. All my life you have been so, so good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God.

I mentally sang it as we found our seats. I hummed it as we buckled in. I sang it quietly as we took off. Then, as we rose into the storm clouds, something miraculous happened. We flew right through that darkness, and above it was breathtaking beauty. From above the storm, the clouds stretched out below us as a calm, white sea. Here was peace. At that moment, as I looked in wonder and delight at the beauty outside my window, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper in my soul, “Look and see, daughter. This was here the whole time. In the middle of what you could see – the storm, the fear – this peace was always here. Fix your eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen (2 Corinthians 4:18). I was, and am, always here.”

To me, this is what it means to “live by faith and not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:5). It is seeing the physical storm in front of us, but knowing the peace of God is there, too. It is knowing that no matter what we face, God is with us. Whatever we think is going to happen, He actually knows, has always known, and he is always ready to go through it with us. We are never alone.

Just as following Jesus is a choice, trusting Him is also a choice. Faith isn’t a feeling, an emotion dependent upon external circumstances. Faith is the choice we make in the middle of the storm and chaos to trust what we cannot see. It is the decision to look past the wind, the rain, the fear and fix our eyes on God, believing that despite our feelings and the dangers we see, we serve a God far above them, outside of them, more powerful than them.

I told you this was a story of victory, and it was. I survived and even enjoyed our trip, but the real victory happened as we broke through the storm clouds. Even though I felt that fear and forgot how to fight it for a time, in the end, I chose faith, and in that moment, victory was mine.

Every time we remember we can trust God in all things, we have won a battle. I know there will be more battles, for me and for each of us. I pray that in those moments, we remember:

There is no storm he fears, none he cannot calm.

There is no height he cannot scale.

There is no place he cannot enter to be by your side.

Choose faith. Choose victory.

Philippians 1:21 - “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (NIV)

2 Timothy 1:7 - “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (ESV)

2 Corinthians 10:5 - “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (NIV)

2 Corinthians 4:18 - “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (NIV)

2 Corinthians 5:5 - “We live by faith, not by sight.” (NIV)